NEWSLETTER
I walked up to my 6th-grade teacher and told him to sell. “How much,” he asked with the confidence of a man who thought he had his class duped.
“All of it,” I responded. “All of it must go!”
He slowly looked up from his desk as his brash smile slid into a pursed lip of confusion. Was his student one step ahead or was it just pure luck? I unloaded every stock I owned as I went over the whiteboard to update my cash total. As I looked back at him, we met eyes. Mr. K gave me the head nod, and I knew I was right.
When I waltzed into class the next day, chaos ensued. Prices were dropping rapidly and kids were panicking to sell. I sat there sipping on a Capri Sun while sending candy dust into the air as I puffed on the end of a Smarties (not really … we couldn’t eat in class). By that time tomorrow, the middle school stock market would crash. And a couple of grueling weeks of learning about the Great Depression followed.
Unfortunately, that cocky 6th grader didn’t grow up to be a stock market savant. I instead write words about basketball every day and know darn little about the inner workings of Wall Street. But that doesn’t mean I can’t brush off my old talents!
With the Chicago Bulls’ 2023-24 season beginning in a little over one month, I thought it’d be a good time to look through the ole portfolio. In this exercise, we’ll decide who’s stock is up, who’s stock is down, and whether it’s time to sell, buy, or hold.
AKME (Front Office)
Stock: Down
What to do: Hold
The value of Arturas Karnisovas’ brain trust has plummeted over the past season. Once in the running for the Executive of the Year award, Karnisovas’ team-building approach is now questioned by many around the league. He gave up tremendous assets for a core trio that has struggled to mesh. And, despite initially taking an aggressive win-now approach, he quickly took his foot off the gas and has doubled down on a team that has just one five-game playoff exit on their resume.
The only reason I’m not selling all my stock is because I do think this front office deserves at least one chance to shake things up. The longer they wait to do that, however, the sooner I sell off completely.
BDV (Billy Donovan)
Stock: Down
What to do: Hold
Billy Donovan feels a lot like Disney stock. He’s an overall acceptable and safe investment who isn’t ever really going to be the reason for your downfall. While he certainly deserves blame for the Chicago Bulls’ inconsistency, he also deserves praise for taking a group built around three offensive-minded All-Stars and finishing with the 5th best defensive rating.
While I’d consider his stock down, it has really only dropped slightly, in my opinion. If he became a free-agent head coach today, I think someone would swiftly take a chance on him. I also think there is a world where he does help this Bulls team right the ship this season, which is the primary reason I’ll hold my stock. This is arguably his most well-rounded roster since joining the franchise, and I will not be shocked if he helps push this group back into the playoffs.
DDR (DeMar DeRozan)
Stock: Up
What to do: Sell
The DeMar DeRozan investment has been one of the few victories for the Chicago Bulls front office. During a summer when 29 other teams underestimated his value, the Bulls signed him to a palatable contract and proceeded to get immediate All-NBA-caliber play. DeRozan now has back-to-back All-Star appearances and has finished as one of the top clutch scorers in the NBA each of the past two seasons.
With that being the case, however, there may be no better time to cash in on his strong play. The forward is in line to be an unrestricted free agent in 2024, meaning he could walk for nothing in return. For a team with a lot to still figure out, it may not be wise to commit long-term to the 34-year-old. Moving him for future assets and/or young talent may very well be the best outcome.
ZLAV (Zach LaVine)
Stock: Down
What to do: Buy
Look, this may be an impulse buy, but I really think people have become too low on what Zach LaVine can do. Another down year for the Bulls has made some further question his max-level payday and how much he should net the Chicago Bulls in the open market. But the fact of the matter is LaVine remains one of the NBA’s premier scorers.
In LaVine’s final 45 games of the 2022-23 season – when he was finally fully healthy – he scored the third-most points in the NBA. He checked in behind only MVP winner Joel Embiid and Trail Blazers superstar Damian Lillard. The guard also played his most games since the 2015-16 season and shot the 7th-best behind-the-arc among players who were top-16 in total 3-point attempts. Still only 28 years old, LaVine should remain a walking bucket for years to come.
VOOCH (Nikola Vucevic)
Stock: Up
What to do: Hold
Some might be wondering why I have Nikola Vucevic’s arrow facing up, but let’s not forget the rock-solid year he just had. Vucevic played all 82 games for the first time in his career and averaged 17.6 points with 11.0 rebounds per game. He also finished with a career-high 57.3 EFG% and dished the third-most assists of his career.
Vucevic may no longer be an All-Star player, but he is an obvious starting center who is the epitome of reliability. The only reason I don’t advise buying more VOOCH stock is that he turns 33 years old in October. But the main reason I don’t recommend you sell is because, well, he’s doing good business. I’ll just keep riding the Vooch wave and reap the tiny benefits.
BTB (BENNY THE BULL)
Stock: Up
What to do: Buy
Need I say more?
